When someone says NO..

July 17 - late in the evening ~ 9.30pm.. I was returning back from the flute class.. on the way back, walked for 15mins from bus stop to home.. thinking about my life and where im heading..All thatexertion made me feel hunger and thirst..more thirst for something different, that just the same old can of non-carbonated drink.. The 7-11shop was on the way home..

I have been an abstainer during all the time in school, college and university and first few years of work.. last few months i was getting more curious to try out alcoholic drinks of various kinds to sample them..wine, vodka, lager beer, bourbon, rum all found their way into my system at different social events, and sometimes even when i was alone.. So this time i wanted to try the Bacardi Breezers which were fruit juices with vodka just abt 5%alc.

I was telling myself, "i neednt worry abt the world's collective advice- just me and my decision whether to do it or not." I felt very much empowered by that thought.

Reaching 7-11, i saw that i didnt have enough cash in my purse. so went to the ATM, after a few attempts it simply refused to part with any cash..walked even further to another ATM, but found it closed. walked back to 7-11 and searched for all the coins i had on me..it was still not enough.. i had a collection of cards/cashcard/nets but for the price of the drink, the shopkeeper would not accept any card since it was lower than the minimum charge. and i didnt feel like buying other things just to have a bill greater than the minimum card amount.

I just stopped there, and recollected what had just happened..10 minutes ago i had thought that i was in control of my own life and decisions.. Now it looked like i just cant buy the thing i wanted to, despite having all the resources to buy it, but all the money seemed locked out of my reach.

I wasnt sure if it was intuition or confusion,

I dont think it was hesitation or desperation,

but i felt a definitive "Son, NO!!" from He,

who was resonating in all the space around me !